Timing Is Everything
by MegKevin
Summary: A series of one-shots, covering a wide variety of subjects, from comedy to angst, all with a dash of romance. Generally light-hearted. Appropriate warnings in chapters. Minor K/S, nothing TOO explicit. New chapter up!
1. Timing Is Everything

**Timing Is Everything**

**A/N:** Okay, so, this is my first post EVER!! BRING ON THE CONFETTI!!! Anyway, this is just a random oneshot and because of, well, the whole subject really, I feel I should explain how the idea even got into my head. So I was explaining the concept of 'canon' to my younger sister. So I said, "For example, Spock saying, 'yo, fool, give me your lunch money' would be totally un-canon." My sister, who is as of yet unfamiliar with the original series, loves the Reboot movie, and knows enough about Star Trek to know how utterly ridiculous it would be for Spock to say that. So, of course, she promptly began rolling on the floor laughing. And, as luck would have it, my best friend, writing partner and soul sister called at just that moment. She heard my sister laughing in the background, and naturally asked what the heck was going on. I explained, and she gasped and said, 'omigod, you should totally write a fic where Spock says that!' And so the plot bunnies multiplied and this…thing…was born.

I am working on a multi-chapter K/S fic and I pinky-swear the first chapter will be up soon! Please check it out! This has hints of K/S but nothing explicit. Don't like, don't read.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned, do you think I'd be living in a place where my bathtub doesn't even get hot water in the winter?

On with the show!

* * *

Spock stood very still as Jim knelt in front of him. Giving the waistband one final tug, he nodded decisively and stood. Reaching up, he pulled something over Spock's perfect black hair. Finished, the young captain stepped back to admire his handiwork, and could not stop a devilish grin from spreading across his face. _Jim,_ he told himself. _You are a genius._

"Jim. I do not understand," the Vulcan said, quirking an eyebrow in a way Jim recognized as skeptical. "What is the function of such cumbersome attire?"

Jim rolled his eyes, and placed his hands on his hips, still grinning sinfully. "Spock," he said, clapping the First Officer on the shoulder. "Just go with it."

"It is completely impractical and undignified," Spock insisted.

Jim raised his eyes dramatically to the ceiling, though the expression of mirth made it clear that he was more amused than exasperated. "Spock, this is something all humans know," he explained.

"I am Vulcan," Spock said stiffly. "As such, I see no reason why I should be forced into such apparel, and furthermore—"

By now, Jim knew better than to let Spock continue unless he wanted to be treated to a long litany of logically thought-out arguments and counterarguments to the arguments Jim could make in response to Spock's original argument….the man was the stuff of debate team legends and nightmares.

"You asked me to teach you some things about human behavior," Jim pointed out, effectively cutting off the Science Officer mid-tirade. He got a sort of sadistic pleasure from the fact that he was the only one who could stop Spock in the middle of rant. (Well, a Vulcan-style rant anyway. Which basically consisted of them handing you your ass with more logical arguments and facts than they strictly needed to prove their point.) Even Uhura hadn't managed it, during the brief period in which she and Spock had dated. Jim felt a little smug at the thought that he had accomplished something in relation to Spock that even Spock's romantic partner had not achieved.

"This," Jim gestured to the clothes, "Is something all humans reference eventually. They can do it through speech or style of dress, but sooner or later, all humans refer to this."

"I still do not—" Spock began.

"And," Jim continued, a little louder but otherwise giving no indication that his first officer had spoken. "You know what they say; the best way of learning is doing!"

"What kind of cultural significance do these garments hold?" Spock inquired, raising his eyebrows as he examined himself in the full length mirror on the bathroom door. Jim came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. Blue eyes danced as they met Spock's brown ones in the mirror.

"Spock," said Jim seriously. "This is lesson number one in How to be Gangsta."

Spock turned to look at Jim's real face, eyebrows pulling together. "Gangster? You wish me to learn how to be a member of criminal organization of the type often romanticized in popular culture and media?"

Jim smirked. "No, no." He shook his head. "But there are certain styles of clothing and speech, etc, that characterized early 21st gang members, and which, as I said, everybody references." He put his hands on his hips. "Clothes had to be first," he added, appraising Spock.

Somehow—gods only knew—Jim had managed to trick/cajole/force/beg Spock into a black t-shirt several sizes too large, thick silver chains around his neck. The Vulcan was also sporting baggy black jeans that hung off his waist, big clunky black sneakers, and a floppy black cap tilted to one side so that the brim entirely covered one pointed ear. Combined with his stiff-as-a-board posture and expression of subtle disapproval, it was a wonder Jim hadn't spontaneously combusted from the absolute, utter absurdity of it all.

The door slid open and they both turned.

"Captain, I was wondering if—" Uhura stopped dead, staring at Spock.

"Yes, lieutenant?" Jim prompted. She did not respond, apparently completely distracted by the sight of Spock dressed like a 21st century gangster. Jim looked from Uhura to Spock with mild interest. Her reaction was…fascinating. Spock arched an eyebrow and Uhura abruptly turned on her heel and marched out, looking totally thrown for a loop.

Jim looked after her, looked back at Spock, shrugged and moved on. "Okay, Spock, you need to learn gangsta lingo next. Try this: Yo, fool, gimme yo lunch money!"

Spock merely raised a condescending eyebrow. "Come on, just say it."

"There is no logic in that demand, as the Federation no longer uses currency and taking something that would provide another with required sustenance is both arrogant and cruel."

"Spock, just say it, would you? It's a part of your lesson. Think of it as a classic language. Like ancient Greek or French. No one actually uses it as a language anymore, but people still talk that way for fun."

"Fun, Captain?" Spock raised his eyebrow as if to say. 'I'm a _Vulcan,_ you ignoramus. Vulcans don't _do_ fun.'

"Just say it, will you?" Jim demanded.

Spock gave a little conceding nod. "Very well. 'Yo, fool, give me your lunch money," he deadpanned just as the door slid open again and Chekov and Sulu froze in their tracks. They gaped at the commander; Chekov's eyes were wide as dinner plates. For a long moment, in which Jim had trouble not bursting out laughing, there was utter silence. Then the two hurried from the captain's quarters, exclaiming forcefully in an eager jumble of Standard and Russian.

The door closed behind them and Spock turned back to Jim. "It has just occurred to me to inquire why you have such garments in your possession."

Jim only grinned and winked.

"Anyway, try it again, Spock. And try to sound intimidating. That last one was more monotone than my ninth grade science teacher."

Spock gave Jim another look and repeated the phrase, with as little inflection as he had the first time.

Jim scratched at his head. "Okay, so verbal intimidation isn't your thing…but we can try other things…" He rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"While you ponder that pressing dilemma," Spock said with a hint of sarcasm that few would have caught. But Jim did and threw him a dazzling grin. "I would like to point out that this clothing is illogical in every way, even by human standards. The clothes are far too large and wearing the trousers so low only prevents you from moving at a reasonable pace. The chains are heavy and gaudy with no purpose I can determine and with a high probability of catching on something and causing strangulation. The shoes are poorly made, fit badly and are likely to fall to pieces after a short period of time. The headgear obstructs eyesight. An entirely useless outfit that would be extremely illogical when faced with a situation requiring fast pace, stealth, or inconspicuousness. These garments would be more restrictive than functional."

Jim, who had only been half listening, straightened up, a wicked gleam in his eye that Spock was beginning to realize always came right before an extremely uncomfortable away mission. If Vulcans got uncomfortable, that is.

"I've got it," he announced. Another sign that Spock was coming to associate with danger or discomfort. "Since you stink at verbal intimidation, we'll just go with physical. I mean, I _know_ you can do that to some extent."

Jim smirked at Spock. He knew he was long since forgiven for the Bridge Incident. Though he still treaded carefully around the subject of Spock's mom. Hey, the guy was _strong_.

"What would you have me do, Captain?" Spock asked tonelessly.

The young captain had to think for a second. "Basically you just need to get in my face," Jim shrugged.

Spock's eyebrows drew together in confusion. "'Get in your face?'" he repeated curiously.

"Yeah, you just—just," Jim gestured helplessly. "Get up in my space. Make me feel claustrophobic. Get close enough with a mean face that I want to back away."

Spock considered that for a moment, and took two long strides forward until he was mere centimeters from Jim, looking down at him with blazing eyes.

Jim swallowed. "Good," he said, a bit breathless due to the proximity of Spock's body and the heat radiating from it. Spock inclined his head. "Now, uh, push me against the wall." He groaned mentally, and prayed that Spock wouldn't notice the second way that could be construed.

Spock forced Jim back until the captain felt his back hit a wall. Spock's arm was across Jim's collarbone, palm firm against one of his shoulders, anchoring the blond to the wall. His other hand was on the wall right beside Jim's head. His body was pressed against Jim's, their eyes still locked together.

After a second of working, Jim cleared his throat. "Now that you've got me against the wall, you have to really intimidate me."

Spock's eyebrows rose quizzically. Jim tried to elaborate. "Okay, well, um…I'm annoying right now right?" The Vulcan gave him a look. "Look, I am, right? I'm irritating the hell out of you, aren't I?"

"Irritation is an emotion. Vulcans do not feel emotions."

Jim's look was deeply unimpressed. "So I'm irritating the hell out you, right?"

Spock cocked an eyebrow and merely said, "Indeed." Jim chuckled.

"So you have to make me stop. You can do it however you want, really, it doesn't matter. The point is to get me to do what you want. Bend me to your will." Jim winced internally and again hoped his First Officer didn't notice the second meaning in his words. "Just whenever you figure out what you wanna—"

Spock lifted his hand from Jim's shoulder and pressed it firmly over Jim's mouth. His skin was always hotter than humans' but it felt even more so against Jim's face. Spock brought his face down so that there was barely an inch between Jim's face and his own. The captain's eyes widened slightly and his heart raced.

"Captain," Spock said firmly in a low, smoldering voice. "Stop talking."

He moved his hand to rest on Jim's cheek and slowly moved his face toward Jim's. Jim's heart stuttered and he couldn't remember how to breathe. Spock's lips were millimeters from his…

The door slid open a third time and McCoy strode in, Scotty half a step behind him. McCoy was talking before the door was fully open. "Jim, I was just givin' Scotty here a physical when Sulu and Chekov burst in, babblin' somethin' about you 'n Spock—" He had caught sight of them. Scotty was mouthing wordlessly.

Jim watched as Scotty's expression morphed from dumbstruck to gleeful and the engineer turned expectantly to the doctor. McCoy's face went from shell-shocked to horrified to pissed.

"Dammit Jim! I didn't need to see that! I'm a surgeon not an eye-doctor—I don't know how to treat my own retinal trauma!" He whirled on his heel and stormed out, cursing Jim and Spock—with something about shuttlecraft attendants who forced people to sit next to idiots who ruined their lives thrown in for good measure. Scotty followed him out, roaring with laughter.

"Well, Bones, that's what you get for not knocking!" Jim called, furious at being interrupted at such a moment, but amused nonetheless at the country doctor's reaction.

McCoy let loose another stream of expletives, before the door slid shut, cutting off all sound from outside.

Jim looked back at Spock anxiously. The Vulcan was wearing what Jim classified as his 'Science Officer' expression. It was the same expression he got when an advanced lifeform captured them, or when he discovered an extremely deadly flower.

"Fascinating…" he murmured.

Jim couldn't help it. He put his head back and laughed until tears streamed down his face.

He threw his arms around the Vulcan's neck and pressed his lips briefly to Spock's. Spock gave him a look of surprise, before leaning down and kissing Jim back.

_Timing,_ Jim thought as they kissed warmly, _really is everything._

* * *

**A/N: **Reviews=love. 3 Anyone who reviews get a virtual cookie! Comments, question, anything that bothered you, I just want your feedback! But bear in mind—FLAMING MAKES YOU A MEANIE AND I WILL NOT READ THEM!!

Anyway--please tell me what you thought--just nicely! Love to everyone who reviews! :D


	2. One

**Disclaimer: **My computer is pre-historic. If I owned, I could afford something that didn't consistently entice me to toss it out a window. Much, much envy of Gene Roddenberry and J.J. Abrams…

**A/N: **Well, I was in the shower and all of the sudden my brain started spurting these at me, and I'm like, gee, great timing, really. But they wouldn't leave me alone, so I started some, and me and my best friend, Highness, JJ, and many other names(she shares this account with me: shh, don't tell!) collab'd to come up with this. I'm rather proud, considering we've never done anything like this before. Eternal props to JJ, for doing this insane thing with me, and being the best friend ever and my constant support system. I love you, girl!! And to those who review, fav and alert, you are spectacular and have my mega-love!!

* * *

**One**

**One second**. That's all it takes for Spock to see the blood spurt out, see Jim's eyes dim, feel a roaring emptiness in his mind, feel a terror and darkness in his heart, and know with crushing force that his T'hy'la is gone. But he couldn't escape the pain, even if he had a lifetime. Spock knows.

**One time** is not enough. McCoy has to bring Jim back from the dead four more times before his heart stabilizes. Spock doesn't leave his side until he wakes, six days later.

**One moment**, seeing Spock without a shirt, dripping wet from having gotten out of the shower, was all it took for Jim to realize how attracted he was to him, and flee Spock's quarters.

**One hour** was how long it took to get over the shock of this discovery and move into a panic attack.

**One day** was how long it took him to stop panicking and accept it.

**One half hour** is how long Jim can stand to stay still and quiet on the bridge, before he starts to play around, or tease somebody.

**One drink** wasn't enough to drown the misery from Spock being taken away by a Vulcan woman with eyes of ice and name that scorched his tongue. 'T'Pring.'

**One breath** is all it takes for Jim to say "I love you", but that breath changed his life forever. Now he falls asleep with Spock in his arms, every night. And he always will.

**One night** removed all of Jim's reservations about love. The first night after he confessed to Spock, they spent the whole night snuggled together on Jim's bed, just kissing and talking. That night, Jim decided that maybe he could have a happily-ever-after, after all.

**One kiss** broke all of Spock's barriers, and he finally allowed himself to believe that maybe love was okay, even though it wasn't logical. That he could have a 'happy ending.'

**One taste** was enough to addict him. Jim will never get tired of kissing Spock, so it's a good thing the Vulcan seems equally hooked on Jim.

**One touch **and Jim feels himself melt, because Spock's touch is blazing heat and soft coolness, fiery arousal and serene contentment, forceful strength and gentle tenderness.

**One shift** full of Jim's teasing and flirting and innuendoes can make Spock simultaneously very annoyed and very, very aroused.

**One shift** full of Spock's long fingers dancing over the keyboard, and raised eyebrows, and alternating exasperated and lustful glances can make Jim's pants uncomfortably tight.

**One sentence** from Jim's lips makes Spock feel more content and at home than he has ever felt. 'I love you, Spock.'

**One look** at his mother, waiting on the front porch to greet them, is all it takes for Jim to realize that as far as she's concerned, Spock is already family. The first words out of her mouth are "Call me Mom."

**One sneeze** is enough to make Spock fuss over Jim, in his Vulcan way, as Jim tells him he's fine and laughs. Secretly, Jim is please that Spock cares so much. Spock knows that, and so he keeps doing it.

**One minute** that Jim doesn't call after the check-in time is enough to tie Spock's stomach in knots with worry. Because with Jim, it's never _just_ one minute.

**One hour** is enough to have Spock prepping the photon torpedoes.

**One person** is all Spock allows to be beamed down when Jim and the away team go missing: Himself.

**One look** at Jim on their wedding day took Spock's breath away.

**One look** at Spock, waiting for him at the altar, made Jim's knees go weak.

**One word** from Captain Pike, officiating the ceremony, made Jim's eyes feel moist and his heart sing. 'Married.'

**One dance** with Spock makes Uhura start to tear up, because how can she not when she's so happy for Spock that he found Jim and they are so happy, and so sad for herself that she lost Spock to Jim?

**One smile**, and triumph surges through Jim, because he's the only one who can make Spock feel comfortable enough to drop his mask. But that's only for a moment before it's overshadowed by happiness that he makes Spock happy enough to smile.

**One meld** was enough to convince them that they were meant to be, even though neither of them had ever believed in destiny before. But when two minds fit together as perfectly as theirs did, it was impossible not to believe that they were fated to be together.

**One cry** of pain that accidently slipped from Jim as his ribs were knitted together was enough to make Spock start to become what Jim fondly called his 'Vulcan man bitch.'

**One glare** from said man bitch makes McCoy understand exactly why Jim calls him this.

**One tear** slipping from Jim's eye as he shows Spock a memory of a drunken Frank shouting insults about Jim's father reminds Spock why Vulcans were once bloodthirsty savages.

**One memory** of the captain and first officer of the _Enterprise_ reminds McCoy of all he's lost on Earth, and all he has now.

**One touch** and Spock hates Jim, is furious with Jim, because Jim recklessly decided to fight the cloud entity that had killed the entire landing party, ignoring their orders, and yet he can't help leaning into Jim's touch, though it is shaking him in equal anger.

**One laugh** from Jim transforms his face into that of a younger man standing on the edge of forever—filled with a purity that Spock must protect.

**One wish** is illogical. All wishes are illogical. But Spock wishes anyway, because if it will keep Jim beside him, Spock will do _anything_.

**One heart** doesn't seem big enough to hold all the love Jim has for Spock. A world wouldn't be big enough; it feels like it encompasses the universe and more.

**One tear** sliding down Spock's cheek collapses the last of the walls he's built, and he falls into Jim's embrace, as, for the first time, Spock cries for his mother.

**One cry** as Jim thrashes in his sleep makes Spock's heart ache. The only thing he can do is pull his T'hy'la into his arms and soothed him until he calms and snuggles into Spock's chest.

**One hundred** and fifty-six is how many times Jim has been propositioned so far since their mission began.

**One** **hundred **and fifty-six is how many times Jim has turned down a proposition since the start of their mission.

**One fire** burns through Spock when another tries to steal his Jim; the fire of anger—a jealous, possessive rage that scares everyone but Jim, who deems it 'hot, if unnecessary.'

**One wave** of emotions always washes over Spock when Jim turns them away; love, comfort, triumph, and _mine, my T'hy'la_.

**One love** is all they will ever need. They have everything they ever needed and so much more in each others' arms.

**One history** is how long they will be immortalized as legends of the Federation; the finest command team in Starfleet history, the Golden duo, so connected, so perfectly matched that they almost seem different aspects of the same person.

**One lifetime** is not enough for Spock and Jim. They will never have enough time to love each other. But they don't let that bother them, because what matters is that they do love each other, and they plan to keep telling each other, until they whisper it with their dying breaths.

**One eternity** is how long their souls will be intertwined, because a love as deep as theirs surpasses time itself.

**One word** is meant to encompass their relationship; though the definition of 'friend, brother, lover' hardly scratches the surface, to them it means everything._ 'T'hy'la.'_

**One soul, **just two bodies.

**One **is what they are.

* * *

**A/N:** Reviewers get Karl Urban in nothing but boxers, in a bottle, on their doorstep. *drools* Whoa, JJ, I think that's your mind buying real estate in the gutters...


	3. Halo

**A/N: **I've never done a songfic before…but I was listening to this song, and as I sang along, I almost fell out of my chair with how perfect it was. Seriously, I _cannot_ be the first person to think how perfect this is. The lyrics are insanely fitting. Look at them! If I didn't know better, I'd think they were watching Amok Time, or The Naked Time when they wrote this. I'm actually in the process of writing a couple of other songfics…I mean, really, it's beyond freaky how well these songs work.

Yes, I used a Beyonce song. I will also be using an Ashlee Simpson song. It rocks. DEAL WITH IT.

This one is definitely for Jayje, who introduced me to this song, and agrees that it is PERFECT. And also for **Andalusia25**, who beta'd (Love you, Nee-chan!)

* * *

**Halo**

Spock spent more time with Jim than he did with anyone else. That was to be expected. They had almost every shift together, and were the two senior officers on the ship. It was only natural that they spent the majority of their time in one another's company. Since the start of their mission, they had grown closer, becoming friends as well as colleagues. Both were brilliant, and knowledgeable in a vast array of subjects, so they always had something to talk about. Occasionally, even if they ran out of things to say, they would speak of simple, inane things, just to be talking. At times like these, a part of Spock questioned himself. After all, what was the point? But he did not stop himself.

They were soon taking every meal together, along with whoever else of the command crew happened to be on shift. Not long after that, Jim invited Spock to play a game of chess with him after shift, which also became an almost daily routine. It was not long before it was considered odd to see one without the other. The crew seemed to take it in stride. It never occurred to either Jim or Spock to wonder if all Captains and Firsts spent every waking moment together, and were practically joined at the hip.

Which was why the crew was very surprised to see Spock striding down the corridor alone, looking even more Vulcan and emotionless than usual.

Of course, in such confined spaces as ships, gossip networks are the veins and arteries of the place, and news travels faster than wind. This was doubly true of the _Enterprise_, where gossip was the lifeblood of the ship, and _nothing_ captivated the crew more than gossip about their commanding officers. The command crew knew this as well as anyone. Even Scotty, who was well-known for the opinion that no one else could keep the _Enterprise_ running (of course, everyone agreed, but there was no need to tell him that) had once been overheard commenting to the rest of the command crew, "Ah keep th' engines runnin' and the circuits in tip-top shape, but if the crew couldna gossip about use, this ship wuld collapse around ar ears!"

Which was why, within three minutes and twenty-six seconds after shift ended, nearly the entire crew knew that Alpha shift on the bridge had been spent in icy silence, and that the two senior officers had determinedly refused to so much as glance at each other.

Uhura, Chekov, and Sulu instantly dished everything to Gaila the Orion, who was the head of the gossip network. The three were her best sources for the latest scoops on the inside lives of Command, and all four could be found together on many an evening, trading all the juiciest information. And thanks to Gaila, the gossip chain was impossibly accurate. Anything heard through the grapevine was total fact ninety-nine percent of the time. It was also a great way to pass around the latest speculation, and everyone loved to gamble about their speculations. Their main focus of attention: Jim and Spock. The focus of the bets: when would they realize what everyone else already knew and sleep together, dammit? The only person who didn't know about that particular pool was Uhura, because no one wanted to tell her that her boyfriend was in love with the Captain.

But Spock did not know or care about any of that as he entered his room and sank immediately into a meditative pose.

Uhura looked toward the door of the rec room, where she was currently huddled around a table with Chekov, Sulu and Gaila. Gaila had just finished telling then about how been Spock had been seen stalking down the corridors. "He looked even more Vulcan-y than usual," she confided happily. "You think he and the Captain had a fight, or something?"

"Must have," Sulu shrugged. "I haven't seen them _that _unfriendly to each other since Spock marooned Jim on Delta Vega."

"Hey, Ny, you're his girlfriend," Gaila commented, turning to her former roommate. "Has he told you anything?"

The African woman shook her head. Suddenly, she stood. "I'm gonna go talk to him," she announced decisively. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be back soon."

* * *

Spock tried to meditate, but it was no use. He couldn't calm the raging storm of emotions within him. So many raw emotions battering at him…He was so confused. He didn't know _why_. In a very un-Vulcan-like gesture, he propped his elbows on his knees and let his head fall forward into his hands. Why? Why was his control suddenly so—?

A firm knock sounded on the door. His hand snapped up. Spock got to his feet and cleared away his meditation mat, saying "Enter," as he did.

The door swished open. "Hey, Spock."

Spock turned to face his girlfriend, and felt the urge to hit something. Why? If his control was suddenly so weak, when he was suddenly feeling so much, why didn't he feel anything special when he looked at her? Passion, even simple lust…

"Spock, we need to talk," Uhura said softly but firmly. She perched on the edge of his bed and patted the space next to her. He sat, feeling slightly relieved to be in the presence of such a strong and reasonable person.

She took a deep breath and he focused on her. She seemed very serious. Turning to face him, she looked him square in the eye. "Okay, Spock. We should stop seeing each other, romantically," she said bluntly. He felt a slight twinge of shock and…was that relief? "I care about you a great deal, and I know you care about me, but you don't love me. And don't say it's because you're Vulcan. You can love, Spock. You are perfectly capable of giving your heart away. You just can't give it to me, and I understand. I…don't think I can give you mine, either. I always had more affection for you, attraction to you, than you did for me. But we can't fall in love. I've realized that I love you more like a brother. Think for a minute. How do you feel about me?"

Spock was silent for a moment. Finally he said, "I believe…that my feelings for you are the equivalent of those for a sibling."

She smiled. "You see?"

"Nyota, may I ask your advice?" Spock inquired hesitantly.

"Of course."

"I…have become conflicted recently. Meditation is becoming extremely difficult, and I find my control lacking. I do not know what is causing this." He looked to her beseechingly and was surprised at her gentle smile.

"Like I said, Spock," she began quietly. "You are perfectly capable of falling in love. I've seen it."

Wrapping her arms around the now stiff-as-a-board Vulcan, she whispered, "You have to tell him how you feel, or you'll never be content. I promise he feels the same. I love you, ndugu." She kissed his cheek and left his quarters. He stared blankly after her, stunned.

Uhura slid into her seat again. "I broke up with Spock," she announced cheerfully. Gaila choked on her fruit juice. "Oh, and Gaila?" she added, handing the Orion a napkin, "One hundred creds say they do it tonight."

Sulu, Chekov, and Gaila stared at her, jaws slack. They looked at each other in shock, all thinking the same thing. _How did she find out about the pool…?

* * *

_

Spock sat motionless for quite awhile after Uhura left. His mind, however, was in a very un-Vulcan panic. _How can it be? How could I possibly…? He is my Captain. _Blue eyes, crinkled in a laugh, flashed through his thoughts, and warmth rose in his belly. _No. how can he possibly make me feel so much?_ No. _I am Vulcan. I should not feel these things at all._

_**Wrong,**_ his mind yelled. He stood and paced, rather agitatedly. It was a habit he'd picked up from his mother. His human mother. Who felt. And despite what he often said to Doctor McCoy, Vulcans did feel, strong, deep, emotions. They just had very good control, both inside and out.

Spock drew to a stop. He took a deep breath and began to organize his chaotic thoughts.

Jim made him feel things. That was easy enough to accept.

He was attracted to Jim. That was even easier: he had already realized and accepted that months ago. However, he had accepted it, then buried it, and not thought of it again. Now, he brought it out again. The whole matter bore reexamination.

Now for the more difficult things: what did he feel for Jim?

Drawing in another calming breath, he started with the basics. Jim could be insanely irritating. He could be infuriating. He often put his life in danger on his missions. That made Spock angry, and worried. He worried about Jim's safety.

He recalled a game of chess.

When Spock was with the Captain, he felt content, and calm. There was also a certain amount of arousal, and lust. But…an image of Jim flashing Spock a dazzling grin as the Vulcan made a deadpan joke drifted behind his eyelids. A strange feeling welled up inside of Spock. Part of it was happiness. Joy that he could make Jim smile. Desire to have him continue smiling. Happiness in Jim's happiness. There was another feeling, harder to put into words. A…full feeling. As though…As though he had everything he needed. As though Jim's smile was all that Spock needed to continue living.

And finally, slowly, the name came to him. Spock sat down again.

So. Love.

He was in love with the captain…with Jim.

Uhura's words came back to him. _Tell him how you feel…I promise he feels the same._

Coming from anyone else, that would not have convinced Spock to ignore his fear of rejection. _Tell him how you feel, or you will never be content… _Coming from absolutely anybody else, that would have meant next to nothing to Spock. But Uhura saw people, really saw them, in a way that no one else did. _He feels the same._ It did not convince Spock that his feelings were returned at all. But it was enough to make him feel that there was a chance. It was enough to make him push off his bed, exit his quarters, walk blindly through the halls, and knock on Jim's door.

The door slid open and Jim blinked in shock. He wore a sleeveless muscle shirt and gray sweatpants, and his hair was damp and mussed.

"Jim, I must speak with you privately," Spock said immediately. Jim blinked again, befuddled, before stepping aside silently, Spock moved in and the door closed with a whoosh. Jim turned his back to Spock, replicating some glasses of water busily. For a moment, Spock was confused, then he remembered their argument. "Jim, I apologize. I was—"

"No, Spock, I'm sorry," Jim interrupted, turning abruptly. "I didn't mean a word, you know that. I understand—"

"You must know that I deeply respect you, and would wish to serve under no other captain," Spock cut in, eyes blazing.

"R-Really?" Spock inclined his head. "And I understand Surakian Principles, why you don't show emotion—"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I am aware that you were not expressing your genuine opinion. However, you have touched upon the original purpose of my visit."

"Huh?" Jim was very mystified.

"Emotion, Jim." Spock clasped his hands behind his back and walked past Jim, staring straight ahead. "I am unsure how to begin," he admitted. "Expressing emotion is a rather unfamiliar experience."

"Spock," Jim said softly, making the Vulcan's heart ache. "You don't have to—"

"I do." He whirled around, locking Jim's gaze with his own. "I must. For my own sake, I must."

"Then…" Jim hesitated. "Just say it straight out."

Spock almost smiled at the very Kirk-ish reply.

Taking a deep breath, he decided to do just that. "I am in love with you, Jim," he stated simply, quietly.

Time slowed. Spock was afraid to breathe. He watched as, for a moment, Jim stood uncomprehending. Then his eyes widened.

And finally, after what seemed like an agonizing eternity, a smile more breath-taking than anything Spock had ever seen crossed his face. He appeared illuminated from within.

"You mean it?" he asked. Spock nodded, momentarily speechless.

"I love you too, Spock."

It was Spock's turn to stare, and then he too smiled, though it was a much smaller expression.

Jim wrapped his arms around Spock's neck and ran his fingers through silky black hair. Slowly, he brought his mouth to Spock's. Spock pulled him closer, palms flat the young captain's back. Their first kiss was gentle, slow, achingly sweet. Jim drew back and looked up into Spock's eyes with a shaky laugh. "You can't imagine how long I've dreamed of doing that," he told his Vulcan. His bright blue eyes were warm, soft, and loving. "I love you, Spock."

Spock brought their mouths together. This kiss was a little more passionate, rougher. "I love you, Jim," he whispered. His chocolate eyes were filled with a love that was too strong to contain. "Though, one thing concerns me." Jim pulled back a little.

"What's that?" he wanted to know, wary.

"When the crew discovers this, as they will surely do, I fear that Yeoman Rand will drop dead of a broken heart." His eyes twinkled.

Jim blinked, startled. Then, he threw his head back and laughed. As he did so, light glanced off his damp, golden hair, and for a moment, Spock saw a luminescent ring nestled on Jim's head. For just a moment, Jim had a halo, and Spock was reminded of an old earth song that his mother loved, called Halo.

He smiled slightly, closing his eyes as he felt Jim's body convulse with mirth. The lyrics seemed to fit perfectly.

Remember those walls I built  
Well, baby they're tumbling down  
And they didn't even put up a fight  
They didn't even make a sound

I found a way to let you in  
But I never really had a doubt  
Standing in the light of your halo  
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
It's the risk that I'm takin'  
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun  
Burning through my darkest night  
You're the only one that I want  
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again  
But this don't even feel like falling  
Gravity can't forget  
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
The risk that I'm takin'  
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo  
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo  
I can feel your halo halo halo  
I can see your halo halo halo

He pulled Jim against him as the blond stopped chuckling, and smiled down at him. Taking his hand, he rubbed their fingers together, shuddering at the jolts of pleasure it sent through his body. "This is how Vulcans kiss."

He felt light, as though he might float away.

He felt strong, like he could conquer anything.

He felt safe, though it was illogical, like nothing could hurt him in Jim's arms.

He felt _home_. He belonged with Jim.

He felt love.

Spock loved Jim. Jim saw who he was. Jim could see his emotions, no matter how he tried to hide them. Jim could make him happy with just his presence. He was bright, and beautiful, and warm. He was light, and laughter, and home. He was everything to Spock. Jim made him feel.

I found a way to let you in  
But I never really had a doubt  
Standing in the light of your halo  
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened  
Every rule I had you breakin'  
It's the risk that I'm takin'  
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now  
I'm surrounded by your embrace  
Baby I can see your halo  
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more  
It's written all over your face  
Baby I can feel your halo…

Spock loved Jim. Jim let him _feel_.

* * *

The next day, Gaila, Sulu, and Chekov grumbled as they each dropped a hundred credits into Uhura's outstretched palm. But none of them could help but smile. It was about time!

* * *

**A/N:** umm…*shrinks* review? Pretty please?


	4. Leave Out All The Rest

**Leave Out All The Rest**

**Disclaimer:** *shakes piggy bank* three nickels and a handful of pennies. Not exactly the investments of someone who owns anything more than her own creativity.

**A/N:** I'm not sure I'm entirely happy with how this turned out…anyway, it's loosely based on the song "Leave Out All The Rest" by Linkin Park. Lyrics at the end. I don't have much to say here, except…I hope you like it. I will update Living And Dying, hopefully soon. But I have major brain block and I'm not making much headway. I will try harder! Major thanks to everyone who's sticking with me, despite my wishy-washy behavior. *bow* This chap is for Anda-nee, and my cousin Virginia, who doesn't even read fanfic, and whom I still have not convinced to watch TOS.

Eternal love and thanks to Anda-nee, who edited this chapter for me, and caught a few terrible errors. Thanks, sis!

* * *

Jim stood in the center of the room, watching his mate sleep. The human smiled: his Vulcan looked so peaceful while he slept. He watched quietly as Spock stirred, smiled when he blindly reached Jim. His hand fell on empty blankets.

"Jim?" Spock sat up, hair slightly mussed, and looked around.

"Over here," Jim told him, grinning at the sight of a tousled, bleary Spock. It was something no one else got to see, and Jim was glad of that. If any of the women on the ship had seen it, they would have been all over the First Officer.

"Jim?" the Vulcan called again, more sharply. His sleepiness was gone. "T'hy'la?"

Jim frowned. "I'm right here, love."

Spock's eyes swept over the room...and right through Jim. "Jim?"

A cold feeling settled in the bottom of his stomach. Couldn't Spock see him? "Spock, I'm here. I'm standing right over here."

Spock jumped out of bed and began to throw on clothes. Jim followed. "Spock, I'm here. What are you doing? Can't you see me, I'm right behind you." Spock showed no sign of hearing and walked around the room, clearly looking for something. Jim stepped in front of him as the Commander walked toward the door, and waved a hand in front of his mate's face. "Spock, hon, I'm right here. Yoo-hoo!"

He stopped when the door was at his back and reached out to grab Spock's shoulders-"Spock, it's Jim, right here!"-...and was shocked and terrified when Spock walked straight through him. Jim stood, stunned, for a moment, before he chased after his bondmate.

"T'hy'la! Spock, listen to me, turn around, I'm _here_!"

But Spock kept walking. Jim caught up with him and flitted around him, praying he would be seen, seeking reassurance. He received none. Spock stepped into the turbolift.

"Bridge," Spock ordered. Jim could see the subtle hints of tension on his lover's face, and he knew why. It was an unspoken rule between them that if one woke and needed to leave the quarters, they had to leave behind an explanatory note. Even now that they had the bond, neither broke this rule. _The bond_-!

Jim, who was beginning to hyperventilate, shoved against the bond, determined to make Spock see...and reeled back in fear. Something was blocking their bond. He realized then that he could feel nothing of Spock, and suddenly his mind felt desolate and barren without the cool, calming presence of the Vulcan mind.

He followed as the lift opened and Spock marched onto the bridge, inquiring if anyone had seen the Captain. There was a unanimous 'no, sir' and Spock's jaw tightened slightly. Chekov and Sulu traded glances. Uhura gave Spock a questioning look. Without a word, Spock strode over to the science station, where the ensign on duty hastily backed away. The Vulcan leaned over and hit the comm. "Spock to Sickbay."

"Whaddaya want, Spock?" the Southern drawl answered, as irritated as ever. "Aren't you 'n Jim off-shift?"

"I am unable to locate the Captain, and wished to inquire if you know of his whereabouts."

"Ya lost him?" McCoy answered. "Sorry, he ain't down here. Can't ya use that Vulcan mind-link thing to find him?"

Spock's jaw clenched again. "I have attempted such, doctor. However, something seems to be blocking our bond." The entire bridge, eavesdropping shamelessly, as their penchant for gossip dictated, gasped at that.

"Shit," Bones swore. "Tell me yer joking." Spock was silent. "Nothing-_nothing_-is supposed to be able to block a Vulcan bond."

"I know, doctor," Spock responded quietly, a hint of worry seeping into his voice.

The CMO's voice was gentler. "I'll be up in a second, Spock. Try usin' the ship's computers to find him."

"An excellent suggestion. Spock out." He hit the comm and turned to the computer. "Computer. Locate Captain James T. Kirk."

Jim ran over to Uhura and made a face at her. "Uhura. Uhura, don't you see me? Nyota," he whispered. "Please, Nyota, please talk to me!" She turned back to her station.

He dashed to the helm. "Sulu? Hikaru, can you hear me? Come on, man. Pavel, I'm right here. Russia sucks!" Neither so much as glanced at their Captain.

He turned back to Spock. The computer chirped. "Kirk, James T. Location: Unknown. Not aboard ship."

Spock jerked back, shell-shocked. "Computer. Locate Captain James T. Kirk," he demanded again.

"Location: unknown. Not aboard ship."

Jim's world was spinning. What on Earth was going on?

"Computer. Locate Captain Kirk!"

"Location: Unknown. Not aboard ship."

Spock snarled. "Computer. Locate Captain Kirk!"

"Location: Unknown. Not aboard—"

"NO!" Spock roared, slamming a fist into the console. The metal buckled slightly under his super-human strength. Everyone on the bridge felt a twinge of fear as Spock pounded into the panel again, and again, awed and frightened by the display of strength, and the loss of control from their usually undauntable, imperturbable First Officer.

Jim tried to lay a hand on his shoulder, heart aching. "Spock," he whispered sadly. "Spock, hon, I'm right here. I'm here, love. Please, Spock…."

Jim's eyes burned. He could nothing but watch, as Spock slammed his fist into the station again.

Something tingled and he saw a hand slide through his own. Turning, he saw McCoy, who had a soft expression on his face. "Spock," the doctor said. "Come on, Spock. That's not gonna help anything. Let's go down to my office."

Wrapping an arm around the semi-hysterical Vulcan, Bones led him away. Jim trailed after them, beside himself.

"Bones! Bones, come on, you see me, don't you? Me, Jim? I'm right here, dammit, come on, Bonesie! Spock, stop looking like that, _I'm right here_!"

But they couldn't hear or see him.

Bones led the First Officer into his office and pushed him into a chair. He replicated some tea and shoved it at the Vulcan. "Drink," he ordered. Spock gulped it down. When he set the empty cup aside, he looked marginally calmer. McCoy leaned forward, putting his elbows on his desk. "Now. Tell me everything."

Spock took a breath and began.

"And it replied that he was not…was not aboard the ship," he finished.

McCoy sat back. "There wasn't a note for you?"

Spock gave the doctor a look, and he held up his hands in defense. "Hey, I'm just checking. That's real strange…" He rubbed his chin, and hit the comm. "Scotty."

"Aye, doc, what cannae do fer ya?" the Scotsman replied.

"You haven't seen Jim, have ya?

"The Cap'n? I canna say Ah have. Oy, laddies, ye havnae seen the Captain about, have ye? No, Leonard, he's not down here. Can ye not find 'im?"

"No, he's gone missing," McCoy growled.

"Again?"

"Yeah, but this time, the computer can't find him, and somethin's blockin' Spock's bond."

"Well, tha' doesna sound too gud," Scotty said, sounding distracted.

"Could he have transported down during the night?"

"I'll ask the boys and get back t' ya."

"Thanks, Scotty."

Sighing, he leaned back in his chair. He looked over his desk at Spock. "We'll find him, Spock. Even if we have to go over the ship bolt by bolt."

"And if he is not on the _Enterprise_, doctor?" Spock asked, voice deceptively even.

"We'll find him," McCoy insisted, looking determined. "We have to."

* * *

Jim could only watch in horror as Scotty called back, saying that nobody had beamed down during the night.

Spock and Bones split up, and as promised, went over the whole ship bolt by bolt. They reported their negative findings to one another after each section. They asked everyone they encountered if they had seen the Captain. All said no. Soon, crewmembers were shaking their heads whenever they caught McCoy's or Spock's eye. But no one else seemed particularly interested in searching for the errant commanding officer.

Three shifts, eighteen long hours later, they met in McCoy's office, exhausted, afraid, and Captain-less. Jim watched them, numb.

"There has to be somewhere we haven't checked," Bones said.

"We have searched the entire ship, including personal quarters. Jim is not on the _Enterprise_."

McCoy slammed a fist into his desk, angry. "He has to be. Where else could he go?"

"Nowhere," Jim answered, knowing it would do no good. "I didn't go anywhere."

"Doctor, we have gone so far as to search the Jefferies tubes, and Jim is nowhere to be found." Spock's voice was cold, but Jim could see the pain behind his mask. Evidently, so could McCoy. He placed a hand on Spock's arm.

"The bond isn't broken, right?"

Spock shook his head. "No. I am told that the breaking of a bond is extremely painful. I can feel nothing of Jim. I believe he is alive. Yet I cannot feel him at all. I am frightened, Leonard," Spock admitted quietly. "I am very frightened for my bondmate."

To Jim's utter horror, tears welled in Spock's eyes and spilled over, though his expression never changed. Surprised, he touched his face. The tears came thicker. Jim tried to embrace his mate, but fell through him.

Bones looked thrown and uncertain for minute, before he walked around the desk. "Hey, now," he said gently. He pulled Spock to his feet and gripped his upper arms tightly. Looking the First Officer square in the eye, he said, "It's gonna be okay, Spock." He hesitated briefly, and pulled Spock into a hug. Patting the surprised Vulcan's back, he murmured, "Don't you worry, Spock. We'll find him."

Spock let his face bury into McCoy's comforting shoulder. "It'll be okay, Spock. We're gonna figure this out. We are."

Jim watched, water staining his own cheeks, as his best friend comforted his mate.

After a short span of time, Spock pulled back. Wordlessly, McCoy handed him a tissue. Spock wiped his face and gave the doctor a small smile.

"Now, you're the acting captain 'til we find him. First, I think we oughta scan the whole damn planet under us. Our report said there aren't any life forms, but it wouldn't be the first time an advanced alien being was hiding on a supposedly primitive planet."

"Indeed. An excellent suggestion, doctor."

McCoy put a hand on Spock's shoulder. "The crew needs to be told," he said, eyes scanning the Vulcan's face. "D'you want me to do it?"

His hesitation was so brief that anyone who was not intimately familiar with his behavior would not have seen it. Jim and Bones did. "No," Spock responded quietly. "I am acting captain. I must put aside my emotions and perform my duty."

"All right." McCoy turned toward the comm on the wall.

After another barely discernible pause, Spock walked forward and hit the ship-wide button. "Attention, crew of the _Enterprise_. As many of you have likely surmised, Captain Kirk is no longer aboard the ship. He did not beam off at any time, nor did he commandeer a shuttlecraft. I am also unable to locate him through our bond." Spock's throat tightened minutely. "Therefore, I find it logical to assume that he has been kidnapped an unknown alien race."

"I haven't," Jim injected dully form where he sat against the wall.

"As such, we shall begin a meticulous scan of Epsilon VI, and if he is not located, all other planets in this system. Anyone with possible knowledge of the Captain's whereabouts or abductors, please report to me in the Sickbay conference room. Spock out."

Spock sat down heavily. His Vulcan mask was in place, but there was an air of fatigue around him.

"You need ta rest, Spock," Bones remarked.

"No. Not until we locate Jim."

"Spock, even you can't stay awake for who-knows-how-long with all this stress on ya."

Spock shook his head once. "I cannot." There was a silence. "Jim is very ambitious, Leonard. There are many things he wishes to achieve. I hope to assist him in reaching those goals. Even if all I can do is comfort him when he is scared. He has nightmares often. In his nightmares, he is always alone. There is no one to help him. I will not abandon him. He has been through too much already. I cannot abandon him."

McCoy sighed. "I get it, Spock. I could never desert the kid either." Without warning, Bones jabbed a hypo into Spock's neck. It was a testament to how exhausted the Vulcan really was that he did not see it and block it. "But you do him no good dead on yer feet," the doctor reprimanded, catching the Vulcan as his knees buckled. He dragged Spock over to the couch.

"I find…that Jim was correct…doctor," Spock said slowly, as his eyelids drooped.

McCoy covered him with a blanket. "'Bout what?"

"You are quite…sneaky…and rather sadistic…with your hypos."

Bones chuckled under his breath. "G'night, ya overgrown elf."

* * *

Six months passed. Jim had become a spectator to his own life, and it horrified him to watch what was happening. Spock and McCoy continued to search frantically, but they were the only ones invested in the task, and even they had nearly lost hope. The rest of the crew had adjusted with frightening ease. Starfleet had assigned Spock permanent Captaincy after the third month. Even Command had stopped searching, but for Admiral Pike. He was one of the few who cared.

"Anything?" McCoy asked anxiously.

Spock opened his eyes. "Negative," he replied. Bones visibly wilted.

"You were in that trance for six hours this time," he growled as he replicated tea. "Here."

The Vulcan accepted as he rose to his feet. "Thank you, Leonard. There was no response whatsoever from the other end of the bond. However," McCoy looked up sharply, "It continues to deteriorate. With such prolonged disuse, our bond is weakening."

Bones' eyes slid shut for a brief second. "I'm sorry, Spock," he said, laying a hand on the taller man's shoulder.

Spock almost smiled, sadly. "It is illogical that you continue to apologize for something over which you have no control."

The doctor chuckled. "Yeah, but I still feel bad, so I'll keep doin' it anyway."

The two smiled at each other (meaning that McCoy smiled, and Spock smiled with his eyes) for a moment more.

They had become very close over the last six months, united in their love and worry for Jim. Though they had been friends before, showing their affection in their own twisted way, they understood each other in a way that they hadn't before. McCoy knew that Spock took comfort from the doctor's apologies, because they reminded him that he wasn't the only one who still cared. Spock knew that McCoy took comfort in the Vulcan's quips about being logical because it grounded him, reminded him that there was still sanity in the universe, and it gave him something to cling to. Jim was glad to see them getting along so well (though he knew as well as anyone that their constant snipping was a bizarre form of affection) but he wished he could be there with them.

"Captain Spock," the wall com chirped. Spock moved over to it, McCoy at his shoulder.

"Spock here."

"Captain, there's a message from Starfleet coming through for you. It concerns the Jim Kirk case," Nyota said.

"Patch it through," Spock demanded.

"Yes, sir."

McCoy and Spock had time to exchange one glance full of anticipation, fear, and sick hope as they turned to the computer, before Admiral Pike's face appeared on the screen. He had more gray in his hair and lines on his face than he had had six months ago. His face was ashen.

"Spock," he greeted the Captain in formally. "Leonard, good, you're here."

"Christopher," Spock inclined his head.

"Hey, Chris, what's goin' on?"

Pike looked apprehensive. "I tried, guys, I did. I swear I tried," he began. "But there was only so much I could do."

The two exchanged concerned looks.

"What do you mean?" Bones asked warily.

Pike sighed, looking pained. "Jim Kirk has been officially declared dead."

Spock reeled back, shock plain on his face. McCoy put a hand on his shoulder and forced him into a chair. Glaring, he turned back to the desk, maintaining his death grip on Spock's shoulder.

"_What_?"

"There was nothing I could do. Six months without a hint of…_anything_…it's too long. I'm sorry."

Spock stared blankly ahead, white with shock.

"Bu—But the bond!" Bones spluttered. "The bond isn't broken."

The admiral sighed again. "I said the same thing. But it isn't enough. The memorial will be in two weeks. The _Enterprise_ is coming home. Command crew has orders to be there. I'm so sorry…"

McCoy rubbed his face tiredly. "Not your fault, Chris. Thanks. See ya soon."

"Yeah. I'll see you soon."

Spock's hands trembled in his lap.

* * *

The notes of Amazing Grace floated through the gathered crowd, its mournful tune not forgotten or altered with the flow of time.

Spock, McCoy, and Pike stood with the Kirks. Winona leaned against Chris, sobbing. Aurelan held Sam's hand tightly in her own, chin trembling. Tears flowed silently down his cheeks. Their three children were bawling, clinging to their mother, not quite aware exactly what was happening, but knowing that their father was crying and that Uncle Jim wasn't coming back. They stood together beside the casket draped in the Starfleet flag. Nyota was beside Scotty who played the bagpipes, kilt whipping in the breeze. Sulu and Chekov were next to them, and behind them, members of the _Enterprise_ crew, others that had known Jim, and a few Starfleet Academy instructors. About thirty people, all told.

Jim stood beside his family as his gleaming, empty coffin was lowered into the ground.

His eyes were continually pulled back to the gray headstone.

"Captain James T. Kirk." Directly beneath that were his birth date, his assumed death date, and a list of his commendations. Beneath that, it read, "Beloved husband, son, brother and Captain. A rebel and a trouble-maker. He thought of others first, and offered himself in place of his loved ones, time after time. He was courageous and loyal, and he will live eternally in the souls of those who love him."

Jim knew that Spock and McCoy had come up with that, and shed many tears as they worked. They had finished the beautiful memorial with two quotes. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." And finally, "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, while love leaves a memory no one can steal."

As dirt covered the black casket, the crowd began to disperse. Winona, still in tears, was supported by Pike and Sam as she moved away.

Eventually, only Spock and McCoy remained. Spock knelt on the fresh dirt and brushed his fingertips across the marble headstone. "My Jim," he whispered. "I will never give up. I swear to you."

McCoy put a hand on Spock's shoulder. "Goes for me too, Jim. We'll find you."

Jim watched as the two people he loved most knelt on his empty grave, making promises to the headstone.

* * *

Jim sat bolt upright with a gasp. His chest heaved. He looked over at Spock, who was stirring and starting to blink, and burst into tears. The Vulcan shot up, fully awake, and wrapped protective arms around his mate, cradling Jim against his chest.

"T'hy'la, what is it?"

"N-n-nightmare," Jim gasped through great, shuddering sobs. Spock ran his fingers through blond hair, soothing.

"Share it with me, Jim. Show me what pains you."

Too shaken to argue, Jim complied immediately. Spock watched as Jim became a ghost, felt his fear as everyone lost hope, and stopped caring.

Making comforting shushing sounds, he pressed his lips to Jim's hair, before pulling back to meet frightened blue eyes.

"Jim, this will never happen," he said firmly. "It is true that Dr. McCoy and I undoubtedly love you more than any others. However, you have made many good friends who care for you deeply. They would never be so callous if such a thing were to occur. The crew has such loyalty and devotion to you, that if such a situation were to occur, they would search the entire galaxy planet by planet, and more, if they had to defy Starfleet to do it. No one on this ship would be able to rest until you were with us again."

Jim's tears slowly stopped. "Your friends and your crew love you, T'hy'la. Starfleet command respects you. The entirety of the Federation admires you as a hero. If anything were to happen to you, the Enterprise would collapse, because nobody on board would have the will to work."

Jim looked shocked. "You think that?"

Spock's lips twitched up in a mischievous smile. "I do. However, I am not alone. The crew agrees. It is their belief in you that gives them their courage and unity. You are the reason they are the best. Because you have passed on your belief, or lack thereof, in no-win scenarios. Because they love you. Doctor McCoy and I happen to be at the top of that list. But you will be missed. You will be held in the hearts of everyone around you."

"Help me," Jim requested. "I want to make sure that they know how much I love them. I've been through worse than having nobody care when I'm gone. But I can't put on a blank face like you. Even if they don't care… At the very least they have to know I love them." He gripped Spock's hand tightly.

Spock kissed his mate's forehead. "Of course, T'hy'la. Your friends already know. Dr. McCoy, Nyota, Mr. Scott, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, and Christine Chapel. Remember that. They are aware that you love them, and they return your sentiment. There is one more thing you must remember, Jim."

"What's that?"

Spock gave that almost smile. "There is no one who loves you more than I."

Jim leaned in for a kiss and rested his forehead against Spock's. "Good."

____

* * *

_I dreamed I was missing  
And you were so scared  
But no one would listen  
Cause no one else cared_

After my dreaming  
I woke with this fear  
What am I leaving  
When I'm done here

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid  
I've taken my beating  
I've shed but I made

I'm strong on the surface  
Not all the way through  
I've never been perfect  
But neither have you

So if you're asking me  
I want you to know

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are

When my time comes  
Forget the wrong that I've done  
Help me leave behind some  
Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me  
And when you're feeling empty  
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest  
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting  
All the hurt inside  
You've learned to hide so well

Pretending  
Someone else can come and save me from myself  
I can't be who you are  
I can't be who you are

* * *

**A/N:** Well…there you have it. I am painfully aware that the headstone and everything is more than a little cliché, but…*shrug* sorry. I hope you guys liked it. Review, pretty please. Pictures of Chris Pine in the shower to anyone who does. *spurt* I have to go, I just got a nosebleed.


End file.
